I was diagnosed at 46 with Triple Negative Breast Cancer Stage 2. I did not find a lump. I noticed an indentation high up on my chest. The doctor that I went to didn’t think it was anything to worry about because of its location and because it was an indention and not a lump. She ordered a screening and I immediately had to have a biopsy. When I saw the nurses’ and the radtechnologist’s faces, I knew it was cancer. Before I left he told me, “I can’t tell you the results but you need to pray for the best and expect the worst.” I had to wait two days to get the official results. I already knew that I would choose to have a double mastectomy. That ended up being a good thing for me because I tested positive for the BRCA 1 gene. I ended up having to have several more surgeries due to that.
I was teaching special education in Stillwater, Ok. at the time. I taught moderate to severe students at the high school level. When I told my parents and students I wrote them a letter and included how I was going to make it as fun as I could for their children. I told them that no matter what happened, everything was going to be, “Alright, alright, alright.”
When my hair started falling out, I had a head shaving party. My friends and coworkers shaved my head for me in my classroom and then we tried on a bunch of different colored cosplay wigs that I had bought. For my students, I allowed them to see my bald head and touch it if they wanted. I answered any questions or concerns that they had as best as I could. I also bought a whole bunch of candy and would have them predict what color of wig I would wear the next day. If they chose the right wig, they got candy. I made sure that everyone had won by the end of the week. I did this for 6 + months of treatments and surgeries. I would take Thursdays off for chemo, ( I had to drive an hour and a half for treatment-treatment was several hours long) and then during my lunch break and plan period I would go have a shot on Friday’s. When my hair finally started growing back in and I was comfortable going without a wig, my students were sad. They kept wishing that I would continue to wear the wigs and they could get the candy. Lol.
I ended up having 10 toal surgeries. I still have one or two more. My body rejected the implant on the side with cancer a couple of times. I got MRSA and was extremely ill from that. I finally got all settled down and good, and then they recalled my dang boobs! I had to have another surgery to exchange those. It was the last of the 10 but I do still need some more reconstruction.
Would I change anything about my experience? Overall, no. There were a lot of good things that happened and I was able to see first hand the beauty of the human heart. So many people stepped up to help. So many people gave meals, gift cards, prayers, support, love, etc. I had my meals paid for by strangers twice and they only asked me to pay it forward. The outpouring of love and prayers was amazing. I learned who the people were in my life that really cared for me.
There were the bad things too, I was sick of going to the hospital and treatment. It wears you down. I still have neuropathy from the chemo in my hands and feet. I couldn’t eat spicy food any more. I couldn’t even eat black pepper. I lost a tooth to chemo. Any self esteem that I had was completely shattered through the surgeries, the loss of hair, and the loss of my eyelashes and eyebrows. You can draw your eyebrows on but you can’t wear false eyelashes because your skin is too sensitive, thin, and dry when going through chemo. There is also survivor’s guilt. Why did I survive and a young mother with two young children didn’t. (It’s all part of God’s plan is not a justifiable answer either) And worst of all, just as you find who the people are that truly love and care about you are; you also find out who the people are that don’t love and care about you. This was devastating to me and changed my life as much as the cancer did.
Through my cancer diagnosis and life, I have learned what and who are the most important things in my life. Making memories with the people you love is so vital. I want to support those who are experiencing deadly illnesses ,their families. and people with severe disabilities and their families. If money were no object: I would buy a lake house and fix it up. I would make sure it was wheelchair accessible and I would also have a calming room and a good security system. This would be for families whose children can get out of the house and run off. It would have a safe yard for those children to play as well. I want people who are in their last stages of life or families who can’t ever go on vacation because their children are so severe to have a beautiful place to go and make wonderful memories, to take loads of pictures, and to enjoy being with each other without worry for just a bit. I wouldn’t charge them anything for a week’s stay or a weekend. That would be my ultimate goal if money were no object.
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